How professional are you?

Was chatting with one of my co-worker yesterday in a discussion about the whole production environment in Malaysia. Was debating over the issue of professionalism vs. versatility. In here, we are all expected to be an all-rounder, we were all taught to be an all-rounder ever since we studied in school. Ever since one came out to these social university, every boss expected their employee to know everything under the sky, the more the merrier. In that case, they wouldn't have to spend extra to hire another person to do the work. However, whenever we said that to the specialist overseas, the only remarks we got is "You are not professional enough in your career" But whenever you tell a boss that you only specialized one skill, the remark you will get "You are not versatile at all."

So when reality kicks in, what's your pick?
Professionalism OR Versatility

I'm back..finally

I had been keeping quiet ever since I'm back from UK. Not many people knew about my return, especially my relatives. For the past 4 months, I hadn't had anytime at all to catch up, to organize my photos from my last trip....tonnes of that due to the project that I had been involved in since I touch down. Well, now everything is over, and one last step and I should be able to totally put them down and never ever touch it anymore. But you still have to wait for me to start digging out the photos and to edit them before I could post it up here. Stay tune....

...

I'm supposed to be happy at this moment but I'm not. I did not know why I still stay on, I kept thinking the whole day yesterday. I only know I am still here just because I had made a promise, other than that I can't find any reason why I must continue. 1 more month to go. Can't I just be a irresponsible one just for once and walk off like that? I'm so mentally tired....

tired....

It's always harsh to be back in reality. Only 2 months back to KL and I feel like running away again. I know I told myself that no matter how hard it is I need to face it with all might. A friend told me I might look tough outside, but I'm very weak in there. I totally agree with it. I do not know how long I can stand this being in the situation of a 'sandwich'. I'm really too tired. Not physically but mentally....

Back to reality

The moment I stepped out from that flight, I'm surrounded by metals and concrete. No more of small streams, greens and white cottages. 14 and a half months passed so quickly. Looking at the places that i had been to and the friends that I had made past half the globe, I'm glad and relieved that I actually spent these time doing nothing except travelling and taking my time to relax. Back to home is kinda weird for me, everything in front of the eyes seems a bit too bright. Mainly because British or European house decorations tends to have small little things around the houses with woods, bricks etc, but back in KL everything is so minimalist and white. No more of bright cloudless blue sky and no more of sunset at 2200 and no more of twilight. Everything should be back on track once again.

I swear my mom did not email my bedroom photo to me

Last sunset in UK

Nasi briyani on the flight - finally the true malaysian flavour

.Stop.Look.Listen.

The homeless journey doesn't really homeless at all. Instead I was greeted with generous hospitality by friends. I'm glad and grateful for all the help.
Walked little Hannah to school this morning and she had a class presentation performance to the moms in accordance to the Mother's day this coming Sunday. It's amazing kids if her age at 5 could learn so many things as compare to us last time. They performed a play, songs and dance-song performance too. Surprisingly her class teacher is a guy, which seldom you will find male kindergarten teacher in Malaysia.

This is one of the performance clip dedicated to the Supermom.





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Found a series of posters at Hannah's school reminding the children:

Stop. Look. Listen. Think. Do.

How many a times do we stop our paces to look, listen and think before we continue moving? It's not easy to do the first three even, don't you think so with our busy pace of life?

Thing that occupied me for the year

Over the past year, being here in UK give me easy access to library with lots of free books to read. And with the lots of free time that I had, I have read the most books ever in my life within a year. Among all, the author that I like is Cecelia Ahern. Her words are so touching and intriguing. To share some with you on this book about friendship

"She had reached her goals by being in control, maintaining order, not losing sight of herself, always being realistic, believing in fact and not dreams, and above all applying herself and working hard. Her mother and sister had taught her that she wouldn't get anywhere by following wistful dreams and having unrealistic hopes....Alone because love was one of those feelings that you could never control. She had loved before, had been loved, had tasted what it was to dream and had felt what it was to dance on air. She had also learned what it was to land back on the earth with a cruel thud. She had learned not to lose control of her feelings again.

Imagine not meeting someone because you loved them so much. Imagine hurting someone, making them feel lonely, angry and unloved because you think it's the best for them. ...all were possible, but with possibility comes impossibility.....

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shutters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall in makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there's a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea; it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That's what it looks like and that's what it sounds like, a thrashing, panicking, trapped emotions. But that's the thing about love - no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but whe it actually breaks, it's silent. You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

We saw the heartbreak in each other without having to talk about it we both knew. It was time to stop walking with our heads in the clouds, and instead, keep our feet on the harder soil of ground level we should always have been rooted to.

All her life she had run from shedding light on those darkened corners of her mind. The cobwebs and dust had settled and now she was ready to start clearing them. Something was trying to crawl out of that darkness and now she was ready to help it. Enough running.

She thought long and hard about nothing and everything, allowing whatever was niggling her mind to have a chance to step out of the shadows and show itself. ....she caught sight of her reflection in the glass of the conservatory and froze. Gone was the composure, gone were her emotions, she looked like a possesed woman hiding from the truth, running from the world.
And then she knew.
And the memories that lurked in the dark corners of her mind began to creep ever so slowly into the light.

At least twice a year we met special people who consumed out days and nights and all of our thoughts, and each time with each person, we had to go through the process of losing them. Opal liked to teach us that it wasn't us losing them; it's a matter of them moving on. Without having any control, any ability to make her hold on to me, to still see me, she was slipping though my fingers. What did I win? What did I gain? Every time I left a friends I was as lonely as the day before I met them, and what do our friends get out it?
A hapoy ending?
Remember the detail, Opal always tell me. I supposed what had changed in her life was her mind, the way she was thinking. All I had done was plant the seed of hope; she alone could help it to grow. And because she was starting to lose sight of me, perhaps that seed was being cultivated.

It's not anyone fault that I don't feel I fit in. It doesn't matter where you are in the world because it's about where you are up here, ' she touched the side of her head lightly. "It's about the other world I inhabit. The world of dreams, hope, imagination and memories. I'm happy up here,' she tapped her temple again and smiled,' and because of that I'm happy up here too.' She held out her arms and displayed the countryside around her...She spoke aloud to herself, her voice was firm and confident.

'To hell with you all. I do believe.'

Life is made up of meetings and partings. People come into your life everyday, you say good morning, you say good evening, some stay for a few minutes, some stay for a few months, some a year, others a whole lifetime. No matter who it is, you meet and then you part. I'm so glad I met you. I'll thank my lucky stars for that. I think I wished for you all of my life. But now it's time for us to part.

No matter how hard you try to wrap yourself in cotton wool, you can still hurt yourself.

With every cloud there's a silver lining but, the truth be told - and I'm a firm believer of the truth - for a while I was struggling with my experience with Elizabeth. I couldn't figure out what I had won, all I could see was that my losing her was one big black stormy cloud. But then I realised that, as every day went by and I thought about her every second and smiled, I knew that meeting her, knowing her and above all loving her, was the biggest lining of all.

Ekam Eveileb.
Make Believe

~~~ excerpt from "If you could see me Now" Cecelia Ahern
Ivan elbisivni & Elizabeth

Soul cleansing time....

Am trapped in a cafe while waiting for the rain to stop out there. I have nothing with me except my iPhone. So I decided to pen down some thoughts here while waiting.



Have you ever seen yourself, whom you used to be in the past on someone else? Have you ever seen your present self among your friend? What I meant here is in terms of the personality and character. I had and have been seeing these for the past whole year at my stay in UK among the people and friends around me. Recently, I had been in deep thoughts, having my private and silent days all to myself. As I'm finishing my working holiday soon and in search of my next steps, I had been talking to myself a lot. I'm not getting crazy here talking to myself or trying to be in any self-pity mode to be alone, I just wanted some personal time to deal with my emotions, my inner self. I told my roommate that it had been so weird lately that pieces of memories in the past ten years just suddenly struck my mind out of no where, without me asking for it to recall. And most of the time, they are the places that I had been or people that I had met but they are not anything significant in my life. Roommate was laughing at me asking if I doing some sort of mind defragmenting. I sort of like this idea - Mind Defragmenting. I guess it's the time to dig out all the memories that lies dormant and subconsciously in me for the past 10 years. It's just like recalling them and to arrange them accordingly, the wanted ones, the unwanted ones, the important, the not so important, etc for a cleanse of soul. I regretted I hadn't been doing this much much earlier as I realized I don't really have any private time of my own while I'm in KL. All the time, I'm either worried for my job, worried for whether I'm able to secure on any next project, having family pressure, worried about this and that. Being here alone in a foreign land, give me time and space away from all these. To me, the main purpose of the whole trip is not about travelling. It's about searching myself again, putting me back in confident to face myself again which over the years all things had make me losing them bits by bits without me realizing it. Deep down in there, I think I'm about ready to return with the courage to take up further challenges. I promised myself that I will finish all the unfinished that I had put myself into, to stir up my passion again in things that I like and to give myself a second chance to try everything again in my life and most important to make mistakes. All these while, I had been too careful in dealing with my life, afraid to make mistake, till I missed the chance to enjoy the process. I'm glad I had friends that are frank to me on this past year to tell me what they think of me, to lead me indirectly to face myself again.

p/s: I am still in the midst of exploring more and am interested to know what do you think of me in the past, or at present. Friends out there, please give me a shout, be it good or bad, I will take it with an open mind.

听说

been doing nothing for these 2 days in the room, listening to music, reading novels, reading blogs, living in my own little world. It hadn't been so relaxing in my world so far, to be able to do nothing. Been introduced to a site to watch movies online, and manage to catch a touching movie - Hear Me. It's a Taiwanese movie, about a girl who's normal in hearing taking care of her sister who's deaf and supporting her dream to be the best swimmer. Yet she herself was mistakenly thought she's deaf too by another guy. And the story evolved on how both of the pair started with this misunderstanding and how he fell for her. 90% of the movie is silent, no dialogues spoken except sign languages and subtitling. Yet, yet, it's as powerful as words spoken. And it touches me on the message that it wanted to send.

爱情和梦想都是件奇妙的东西
不用听，不用说，不用翻译，
就能感受得到；
只要不轻言放弃
Love & dreams are both something miracle,
one can feel it without listening,
without spoken words and without any translation;
as long as you are ready for it.



Are you ready for your dreams?

1st Anniversary for me!!

Haaa, sounds like marriage anniversary. Don't get me wrong. I'm neither married nor I'm attached. It's just the day when it marks my existence in UK a year ago. Time flies so fast. Last year this date was still fresh in my mind when I'm flying across the ocean, excited over this Working Holiday Visa in UK. And now, it had been a year since I am here in UK. 2 more weeks before I met my quota of working in UK and after that I will have to live with my own savings in UK without able to work anymore. Had gone through a lot for this whole year, meeting lots of people from different walk (not really a lot), different culture and learning from each and everyone of them. I would not dare to say that I'm now a better person, but at least, I had learnt something about myself, see things about me that I was refusing to know all these while and decided to overcome it. For the past few weeks I had been struggling on thinking what's best for me after this. Thinking whether I should live up to others expectation or to my own. Although I hadn't have a very concrete answer to all these, I know I'm on my first step to overcome my own obstacle by deciding to take up the challenge to do something that had been a 'taboo' to me all these while. I'd tell myself, give myself another 6 months to live up with my own expectation and if I had ever fail again, I will have no regrets after this. Wish me luck!

To think about it, this is my first year not spending CNY with my family and friends. Feeling kind of weird. Anyhow,

Gong Xi Fa Cai/ Kung Hey Fatt Choi & Happy V day!!!
May you be blessed
with abundant health, wealth and lots of luck!!!

You gotta be creative even when you're dead in Milan!!!

My first ever trip to Europe - first one Italy started back on Sept 9th, 2009. I know it had been months since I am suppose to put these photos up. Had been very busy after the trip as more trips had been coming along =). First destination, Milan. Many will say there's nothing in Milan, just a fashion city, as I'm not a fashion person, it could most probably be boring to me. Well, since I had that extra two days before I meeting up with my friend in Venice, I still gave it a go to make a trip there, at least I could loudly say I had been there. And unexpected experience came when you least expected it.
Not only this is my first ever trip to Europe, it's also the first time I had to spend overnight on an airport bench, and bear in mind alone too. The experience was not that bad after all. Ride on the earliest flight the next morning to Milan reaching there around 11 in the morning. It's a bit excited and at the same time scary for me too being alone in a foreign country and moreover a country where less or no English direction is available. Due to this, I had spent at least half an hour wandering in the train station trying to find where's the connection to their metro. Tried to ask someone but they can't speak English and kept giving me directions in Italy which obviously I couldn't understand a word. Spent more than an hour plus before I manage to get myself to the hostel which it's only suppose to be 15-20 mins metro ride, if only I could find the station earlier. Highlight of the two days trip in Milan was the cemetery (yes it is, it's the most special one that I had ever seen). Passing through cemetery had been a norm for me since the place where I'm staying now in Littlehampton, everytime I need to walk to the town, I will have to pass through one. It's not scary at all since they are very well kept and tidy. What's so amazing about the cemetery in Milan? I never expected myself to visit a graveyard during holiday. Just so happened that the moment I got the city map, one of the few city attractions is Cimitero Monumentale, and since I have two full day here might as well I go visit it after reading the guidebook that I can find a 3D Last Supper over there. And unexpectedly it's a large cemetery, and each graveyard is unique with their own different sculpture. Some are even massive like a whole building, housing all the deceased family members. Another unique thing that I had discovered in Milan is their building architecture. The outer facade all looks similar with balcony and windows, but once you step in, passing through the passage door, you will be come to a courtyard.It's similar to the feeling of a 四合院 in China. Photos explained better with that. And the hostel that I had stayed is still using an antique elevator, it's so small that only one person with a luggage can fit it. Being alone travelling also let me had a chance to know new friends from the hostel. We even had a wonderful dinner in a bar in Milan experiencing their "Aperitivo" - Milan is the native city of the Aperitivo which means you order a cocktail at the happy hour (special price) and you can eat for free as much as you like. Made friends with travellers from Barcelona, China and Switzerland. Had fun chatting with strangers all night.

Find the whole Milan album here

Next destination will be on Venice, not sure how long it will takes this time......

'八'

八个句点；
八个回忆。

就这样；
傻傻的八句钟。。。

An extraordinary artist

Three of us who came from Malaysia got invited last night by a co-worker, Sally in my job-place for a pizza dinner. I get to know her only for like 3 months ago when they warehouse start hiring more workers to cope with the Christmas period orders. Honestly, I didn't get to know her well since when she started working in the warehouse, I was in the midst of my holiday in Central Europe with Mei. A remarks I get to know from my roommate was she's a miniature doll maker , running her business at home. Until yesterday, when I went to her house for the dinner, only I got to know bit more about where she comes from-an extraordinary artist of its kind i would say. This is the first time for the past whole year that I had got the chance to visit a real English home, to interact with an English family. After the dinner, we had a tour of their lovely house. Sally's family welcomed us so warmly that they show us each of every rooms in their house just openly without fearing that it's an intrusion to their privacy. At that moment, I was thinking even we Asian wouldn't have welcome any friends whom we had just known for 2 months to their houses and showed them everything open-heartedly. The most interesting part of this gathering was when she showed us her working place, where she makes her miniature dolls for the dollhouses. Looking at the miniatures, I was in awe how detail she can go making the dolls clothes, hair even animals like dogs, sheep etc. While she was showing us the vast materials that she has in order to make those dolls, all neatly organized in cupboards and boxes, I can feel her strong passion in what she's doing. Even her husband and children have been very supportive as well as are interested in that hobby too. She told us she has been doing this for 20 years, most of the time she got her inspirations of making different characters through characters from the kid's program, or even teddy bears.

For years, I had been forgetting what I used to like or what I used to dream of. I can't even answer a simple question on 'What's my dream?' Sally's passion towards what she likes left me thinking for the whole night: Where had my passion gone to all these years?

Last entry for the year 2009

It's 7 hours till the new year begins. 2009 had been and exciting year for me. A chance to step foot in the foreign land, moreover to travel to Europe countries that I had been dreaming of. It was also filled with all sorts of happy, sad, anger, Loneliness,friendships etc emotions. Like the Chinese saying 应有尽有. First time ever in my life too I experience a white Christmas in a European country, watching the snow fall in front of lovely cottages. What else could I asked for other than gratitude for what had been given to me. A year of relaxation and no stress for me. My only resolution for the coming year is to move on, to come out from fantasies and back to reality. Hopefully 2010 will be as good as this year with good health to all my families and friends too. Happy New Year 2010!!!