Aimless

Had not been blogging for a quite some time, and had been feeling that I need to trash out all that clotted my mind. Am I expecting too much? I feel that my soul is out from me for a long time, I couldn't find the passion I used to have in me, no aim, no expectation, no destination....I feel so lonely even if I'm surrounded by people. As years goes by, the fear in me is getting stronger and stronger. I know I should stay positive, but I just couldn't help.....

Sending 2013 off and welcoming 2014

Guess it had been more than 8 years I need to work until the very last day of the year, but I am not complaining at all. Indeed I'm glad. Looking back, year 2013 had been a great year to me with goals achieved and new surprises too. I am glad that I got a chance to learn investing (and yes investing & not speculating) in the share market through Equities tracker after all these years of wanting to do so but doesn't know where to start. Finally I am building up my investing portfolio slowly, one step at a time. This year too I had been doing more baking other than the forever cheese cake, with biscuits, tiramisu, mille crepe etc.

Other than that I manage to change my 7-yeared old car.

and continue dreaming about my 'dream car'

Got my 2nd camera, a lighter semi-pro digital camera, Sony Nex-6 after 3 years of thinking about it.

And I managed to make 2 trips overseas this year and still coping alright with my finance. Manage to compile our 1st book of the trip together, and will continue the next few as one of my main project in 2014.

Also, this is the year when I had make the most expensive purchase in my life so far - an apartment to continue our journey together after all the hoo-hah that had been going around to secure a loan...

And not forgetting to continue cooking delicious dishes with my partner...

Overall, this had been a good year to me, with ups and down and full of memories. I'm eager to go onto 2014 with more challenges. Although it might be a tough one, despite all the price hikes, I hope year 2014 will bring me and my family more joy and fun. Not forgetting also to hope the coming new year to give all of us the courage to face all the challenges and sail through 2014 smoothly.

A BLESSED NEW YEAR WITH GOOD HEALTH & WEALTH 2014 !!!

What you can learn from travelling SOLO

An interesting article to share from the author of The Solo Traveler's Handbook, Janice Waugh .....

.... travel is an education. And travel helps put your formal education in context. You learn about countries and cultures afar. And, as you do, you learn about your own country as well. Travel solo, and you also learn about yourself. Here are just five personal discoveries awaiting you on a solo trip.

1. Discover who you are when no one’s looking
At home, people have expectations of you. They expect you to act in a certain way. Subtly, they control your language, likes and dislikes, laughs and reactions. This is not necessarily a bad thing but what would happen if they disappeared? Or, more likely, if you left their influence for a bit. By traveling solo you can find this out. You get to experience the world your own way, discover who you are and settle into being more solidly you.

2. Uncover your real interests
Traveling solo, there is no need to compromise so you can do what you want. You can go where you want, when you want. Doing so, you’ll uncover your real interests. Do you have an unrequited passion for something? Maybe it’s cooking, museums, flea markets, watching football...? With no one in your way you can explore your real interests.

3. Learn self-confidence
Self-confidence cannot be taught but it can be learned through experience. As you navigate a new city alone, go to a restaurant and eat alone and/or connect with people at a hostel and spend the day together... as you explore the world solo and discover how capable you are you gain self-confidence.

4. Realise your resilience
Traveling solo, you alone, are responsible for handling all the challenges that come your way. Like self-confidence, as you face these challenges you learn that you are capable of handling them - that you can figure your way out of situations, whether it is by asking for help or asserting your needs. Traveling solo, you’ll learn how resilient you are.

5. Know that you are in charge of your destiny
As you travel solo and you get to know yourself better, grow in confidence and understand your resilience, you will soon realize that you are in charge of you. Because you’re capable, your destiny is in your hands. Seize it. Yes, with every trip you’ll discover more about yourself. Traveling solo, you’ll grow as a person.

Give it a try....I wonder when I could do that again.....

Dogs.....

What is your B.A.N.K code?

Attended a small workshop today talking about deciphering the personality code of a person/ prospect you met, so that you can close the deal more easily by understanding them beforehand. When we say about closing deal, it's all about SALES. You might loudly defended that "I am not a sales person, sales got nothing to do with me" But in fact, each and everyone of us "are" involved in sales, indeed everyday. Why do I say so? Sales equals to Influence. Think deeper, when you are saying "I am not a sales person", aren't you in a way or so, selling yourself to the audience, trying to influence them that you are not a sales person? When I'm in my 20s, I used to say that line quite often, "I'm not a sales person", and I had avoided myself in however ways to be involved in sales. Only until when I get older, I started to realize that it's in us everyday, and everyday we are selling ourselves to the others. Just that a lot of us doesn't realize it. Back to the BANK code, it is related to 4 categories of personality and values found in the people around you. B stands for Blueprint - involved people who like things to be nicely plan and predicted, A for Action - for people who like fun, and straight to the bottom line, N for Nurturing for people who care about human relationships and act with heart, and K for knowledge - is for people who likes to analyse and decide with logics and facts. Listening to the speakers analyzing what each categories values are and how one can tackled the way we communicate with different personalities category in order to catch their attention in less than 5 minute, I'm now so anxious to apply all these to the new challenges I might be venturing into after election. Hoping that all goes well. Let's hope.

So, what is your B.A.N.K. code according to your priority?

Stepping on the Clouds?

How I wish!

Recipe of the day - Citrus Mackerel

Click on the image for the recipe

Road to Hell?

If this door leads to the hell, will you still step in?

We are still proud of you, Dato Lee CW

That's such a close match!!! Although Dato' Lee Chong Wei didn't win but the spirit that he had been holding until the end of the match touches all of us Malaysians. Checking my Facebook right after the match and found out that fellow facebook friends are so fast, everyone had been posting the results and even the still photos grab from the live telecast! Imagine the power of Facebook. This photo got over 20k hits of likes, 1500+ hits of comments and 8k+ of shares all just at a short period of 15 mins.

What I have been up to this year?

This year so far is not a good business year for me. Had been having too much of free time. However, I'm still being positive, hoping that it's preparing me for a busy life for the next quarter of the year. Had been trying to learn some baking to pass my free time. Baking cakes, not the sweet type with pancake mix. Tried one with the readymade and found that there's too much baking soda and artificial fragrance in it. On the second time, I decided to mix my own pancake mix found from this website , quite a good one.

Walking my dream... 2012....

These few days had been bothering me a lot. Worrying about my future, worrying about my how can I survive myself for the rest of my life, worrying this and worrying that. Hadn't had that insecure feeling for so long and now it's all coming back. I'm not sure whether it's right to walk my dream now, when I'm not so well prepared yet especially financially. However sometimes I ponder, if not now, then when.

Came across this article in a blog, which struck my mind and answer my frustration - maybe my forever insecure feelings come from too much of expectation.

On this very last day of 2011, my resolution for the next year 2012 will be to eliminate my expectation so that I can be brave and confident enough to step forward and walk my dreams without hesistation.

Life is just like a poker game. Why bother worrying about what card you will be drawing next, winning and losing is just part of the life.

Expect NOTHING.

i SMURF u!!!

Just finish having fun with the little blue smurflings. Honestly, the trailer haven't been giving me the urge to watch this movie, especially when it's a combination or real life with 3D. One reason is I'm still attached to the past memories and I'm worry that it would spoil my beautiful childhood memories of smurfs that I'd have.
Well I'm half right and half wrong. The movie hadn't been able to take me back to the same old feelings that I had when I watched them before, however it gave me some different insights. Kind of like the message that it tries to portray. 'Every single moment is just like the blue moon, once in a lifetime - appreciate every single second of your life as it won't come twice. '

Now I wonder where can I find the old 2D cartoon of my smurfs, la la la la la la, anyone?

I'm getting my life back!!

Am going to claim my life back in 3 more days. Hadn't been quite myself. Everything just go so slow and doesn't seems to have any challenge for me. What's left instead is the anger that is created when people just doesn't seems to care about their job, or should I say, why do I have to be angry on people ignorance. Hence, I decided to leave this, decided not to be angry on other's ignorance any more. Just let them be.

I'm not sure what's the next step for me. Just have a guts feeling that I should put everything to halt now, rather than just thinking to change but haven't yet. This had been dragging for years. I need to do something different NOW!

How professional are you?

Was chatting with one of my co-worker yesterday in a discussion about the whole production environment in Malaysia. Was debating over the issue of professionalism vs. versatility. In here, we are all expected to be an all-rounder, we were all taught to be an all-rounder ever since we studied in school. Ever since one came out to these social university, every boss expected their employee to know everything under the sky, the more the merrier. In that case, they wouldn't have to spend extra to hire another person to do the work. However, whenever we said that to the specialist overseas, the only remarks we got is "You are not professional enough in your career" But whenever you tell a boss that you only specialized one skill, the remark you will get "You are not versatile at all."

So when reality kicks in, what's your pick?
Professionalism OR Versatility

I'm back..finally

I had been keeping quiet ever since I'm back from UK. Not many people knew about my return, especially my relatives. For the past 4 months, I hadn't had anytime at all to catch up, to organize my photos from my last trip....tonnes of that due to the project that I had been involved in since I touch down. Well, now everything is over, and one last step and I should be able to totally put them down and never ever touch it anymore. But you still have to wait for me to start digging out the photos and to edit them before I could post it up here. Stay tune....

...

I'm supposed to be happy at this moment but I'm not. I did not know why I still stay on, I kept thinking the whole day yesterday. I only know I am still here just because I had made a promise, other than that I can't find any reason why I must continue. 1 more month to go. Can't I just be a irresponsible one just for once and walk off like that? I'm so mentally tired....

tired....

It's always harsh to be back in reality. Only 2 months back to KL and I feel like running away again. I know I told myself that no matter how hard it is I need to face it with all might. A friend told me I might look tough outside, but I'm very weak in there. I totally agree with it. I do not know how long I can stand this being in the situation of a 'sandwich'. I'm really too tired. Not physically but mentally....

Back to reality

The moment I stepped out from that flight, I'm surrounded by metals and concrete. No more of small streams, greens and white cottages. 14 and a half months passed so quickly. Looking at the places that i had been to and the friends that I had made past half the globe, I'm glad and relieved that I actually spent these time doing nothing except travelling and taking my time to relax. Back to home is kinda weird for me, everything in front of the eyes seems a bit too bright. Mainly because British or European house decorations tends to have small little things around the houses with woods, bricks etc, but back in KL everything is so minimalist and white. No more of bright cloudless blue sky and no more of sunset at 2200 and no more of twilight. Everything should be back on track once again.

I swear my mom did not email my bedroom photo to me

Last sunset in UK

Nasi briyani on the flight - finally the true malaysian flavour

.Stop.Look.Listen.

The homeless journey doesn't really homeless at all. Instead I was greeted with generous hospitality by friends. I'm glad and grateful for all the help.
Walked little Hannah to school this morning and she had a class presentation performance to the moms in accordance to the Mother's day this coming Sunday. It's amazing kids if her age at 5 could learn so many things as compare to us last time. They performed a play, songs and dance-song performance too. Surprisingly her class teacher is a guy, which seldom you will find male kindergarten teacher in Malaysia.

This is one of the performance clip dedicated to the Supermom.





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Found a series of posters at Hannah's school reminding the children:

Stop. Look. Listen. Think. Do.

How many a times do we stop our paces to look, listen and think before we continue moving? It's not easy to do the first three even, don't you think so with our busy pace of life?

Thing that occupied me for the year

Over the past year, being here in UK give me easy access to library with lots of free books to read. And with the lots of free time that I had, I have read the most books ever in my life within a year. Among all, the author that I like is Cecelia Ahern. Her words are so touching and intriguing. To share some with you on this book about friendship

"She had reached her goals by being in control, maintaining order, not losing sight of herself, always being realistic, believing in fact and not dreams, and above all applying herself and working hard. Her mother and sister had taught her that she wouldn't get anywhere by following wistful dreams and having unrealistic hopes....Alone because love was one of those feelings that you could never control. She had loved before, had been loved, had tasted what it was to dream and had felt what it was to dance on air. She had also learned what it was to land back on the earth with a cruel thud. She had learned not to lose control of her feelings again.

Imagine not meeting someone because you loved them so much. Imagine hurting someone, making them feel lonely, angry and unloved because you think it's the best for them. ...all were possible, but with possibility comes impossibility.....

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shutters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall in makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there's a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea; it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That's what it looks like and that's what it sounds like, a thrashing, panicking, trapped emotions. But that's the thing about love - no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but whe it actually breaks, it's silent. You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

We saw the heartbreak in each other without having to talk about it we both knew. It was time to stop walking with our heads in the clouds, and instead, keep our feet on the harder soil of ground level we should always have been rooted to.

All her life she had run from shedding light on those darkened corners of her mind. The cobwebs and dust had settled and now she was ready to start clearing them. Something was trying to crawl out of that darkness and now she was ready to help it. Enough running.

She thought long and hard about nothing and everything, allowing whatever was niggling her mind to have a chance to step out of the shadows and show itself. ....she caught sight of her reflection in the glass of the conservatory and froze. Gone was the composure, gone were her emotions, she looked like a possesed woman hiding from the truth, running from the world.
And then she knew.
And the memories that lurked in the dark corners of her mind began to creep ever so slowly into the light.

At least twice a year we met special people who consumed out days and nights and all of our thoughts, and each time with each person, we had to go through the process of losing them. Opal liked to teach us that it wasn't us losing them; it's a matter of them moving on. Without having any control, any ability to make her hold on to me, to still see me, she was slipping though my fingers. What did I win? What did I gain? Every time I left a friends I was as lonely as the day before I met them, and what do our friends get out it?
A hapoy ending?
Remember the detail, Opal always tell me. I supposed what had changed in her life was her mind, the way she was thinking. All I had done was plant the seed of hope; she alone could help it to grow. And because she was starting to lose sight of me, perhaps that seed was being cultivated.

It's not anyone fault that I don't feel I fit in. It doesn't matter where you are in the world because it's about where you are up here, ' she touched the side of her head lightly. "It's about the other world I inhabit. The world of dreams, hope, imagination and memories. I'm happy up here,' she tapped her temple again and smiled,' and because of that I'm happy up here too.' She held out her arms and displayed the countryside around her...She spoke aloud to herself, her voice was firm and confident.

'To hell with you all. I do believe.'

Life is made up of meetings and partings. People come into your life everyday, you say good morning, you say good evening, some stay for a few minutes, some stay for a few months, some a year, others a whole lifetime. No matter who it is, you meet and then you part. I'm so glad I met you. I'll thank my lucky stars for that. I think I wished for you all of my life. But now it's time for us to part.

No matter how hard you try to wrap yourself in cotton wool, you can still hurt yourself.

With every cloud there's a silver lining but, the truth be told - and I'm a firm believer of the truth - for a while I was struggling with my experience with Elizabeth. I couldn't figure out what I had won, all I could see was that my losing her was one big black stormy cloud. But then I realised that, as every day went by and I thought about her every second and smiled, I knew that meeting her, knowing her and above all loving her, was the biggest lining of all.

Ekam Eveileb.
Make Believe

~~~ excerpt from "If you could see me Now" Cecelia Ahern
Ivan elbisivni & Elizabeth